My Heinz 57 post

Ok, so by Heinz 57 I mean a few topics wrapped into one. :)

To begin with, I am on cd44- I took my first Provera pill last night and will continue for 5 days. Hopefully this will get the show on the road and I can go in for cd3 b/w & u/s and move on. Though I am not sure what moving on will be now that we have the SA results back.

DH's SA results-

Sperm Morphology- 30 mil
Sperm count- 41.7
Total sperm- 145.9 mil
Motility- 80%
Volume- 3.5

I'm not sure if they will have him submit another sample to see if the first was a random fluke, or if we will discuss other options instead of just trying clomid.

Either way, it appears that both DH and I are somewhat broken.

My wonderful BFPB's

So, today I get home and there is a package awaiting me...... and what could it be?

Thank you so much Starbuck! She even got her to autograph it! I swear, anyone who enjoys cooking will LOVE this book. So many delicious recipes! You rock :)

That, and HHB found out the sex of her lil peanut this week! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I'm so excited for you both! XOXO :y
Love,
Papps

Figured it couldn't hurt right? ;)

The tortoise was a fertility symbol in Greek times, and an attribute of Aphrodite who supposedly ascended from the sea. Turtles represent wisdom, understanding that in order to taste life we must not pass through it running, but taking our time to live every action, every moment, calmly.
This turtle playing the flute and recalling the Native American kokopelli.

Kokopelli is an ancient character- a hunchbacked, dancing fluteplayer whose oldest manifestation is found on on prehistoric American rock carvings. Kokopelli himself is a symbol of fertility and life, often depicted as a phallic character, carrying a pouch of seeds, or wearing antlers. Kokopelli symbols often appear in the context of rain, pregnancy, prosperity, and marriage.

Here's to hoping!
Kokopelli

Can someone please help!

How the world does one comment in blogs?
I've done it before, but whenever I try and comment now it just clears out and never posts :( What am I doing wrong?

EDITED: I got it!! .......3 hours later ::le sigh::

Thanks ladies!

RE appt today!

Ok, so we totally loved him. Not only did he have a fabulous office with a gorgeous view ::smiles:: he was very reassuring and kind. He joked with us when appropriate, asked us how we met etc...

Then he looked at my charts and said yup, we got issues. I told him about my experience with Kaiser and stated how I wanted to be monitored and he agreed that's best. We also went over me taking OPK's and since I did get a positive when I O'd he will have me continue with them.

He ordered cd3 b/w, & a S/A for DH. We discussed the possibility of PCOS but he thinks its not likely since my internal U/S came back clean and I don't have many of the "standard" symptoms- but he'll test me just to make sure. I will not be doing 7dpo b/w since I don't ovulate much.

He prescribed me 50mg of clomid to start. So once we get all the testing done we can go pick it up :) So excited! He was really awesome in that he is ordering our tests through Kaiser so we can try and get our bennies (50% paid) and the only things we have to go through him on are the ultrasounds and procedures such as IUI's etc....

I can't even begin to tell you how great it feels to be 'going somewhere' now. :o)

Moving on and up

So, most of you know I had an IF consult appointment with my insurance (Kaiser Permanente) on Thursday. It did not go over so well. They really don't do things properly (no monitoring, no cd3 bloodwork, and they required me to come in on cd21 even though I never ovulate let alone on cd14). They also advised me they require me to do 3 in-house IUI's before they will refer me to the RE. Uuuum WTF, you're kidding me right? This had me so worried and in tears when I left the hospital.

I had asked when I was there what offices they work with when it comes to the RE's, so when I got home I looked them up and called them myself. They were extremely helpful and took down some info and made me an appointment. They stated that they could order the tests to be done through Kaiser, and I would still get the discount. Score! I truly hope they are correct in this matter, however we are fine paying OOP if needed.

For once I feel hope. It is the best feeling E-V-E-R. It makes me smile when I see how excited MH is about this as well. Makes me nervous about what they will find, but at least we're finding it, dealing with it, and moving on. How freaking awesome would that be to be pg by the end of summer or fall! A girl can hope :) xoxo

I googled Glimmer of Hope, and this is what I found. I like it

So, it looks like its the military...

So, DH and I have been talking quite a bit about him going back into the military next year. He was in the Marines for four years, then got out and has been in school since. He should graduate next Spring and would like to go back in as an officer.

I have total mixed feelings on this. On one hand, I have always been intrigued with anything military, and had even hoped I would marry into the lifestyle as a kid. I would love to move around to different places, the bennies are fabulous, and the pay equally great. My only fear is him deploying. When he was in before he spent two tours (one time was for a year, and another for 6 months). He absolutely loved being a Marine and I know he misses it from time to time.

I am a VERY independent in terms of being able to handle my own, so in that aspect I feel I am ok.. but I don't know how to handle having my husband in harms way, away from me and ME not knowing if he's ok or not. That part is scary. We feel with the way the economy is, and with the unknown future it might not be a bad career move. He can retire in sixteen years (since he has already been in for four) and we would be set.

I told him I would support him either way, whether he goes in or not. I guess only time will tell. I just needed to write this out since our family hasn't been as supportive of it.

xoxo
-Papps

Holy good mood!

So, today is so perfect! It's absolutely beautiful out, it's Friday and I have NOTHING planned for the weekend. Ahhhhhhhhhhh yesssssss.

It's supposed to be 70 degrees out today and this weekend (which is awesome this time of year in Portland), the sun is shining and I literally woke up to those cute annoying birds this morning. :)

So on this fabulous Friday, I will go home, make a nice Italian meal and pop open a bottle of vino (after the gym of course), and catch up on last season's Lost DVD's.
I will sleep in tomorrow and chill in my PJ's because I can..... then venture out and enjoy the nice weather.

I love it :)

HaPpY FrIdAy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So a mini follow up for those who care :)

I'm doing much better. The break has been just what the doctor ordered. I have more time on my hands to hang with the hubs, chill with the kittehs, cook, read, do things around the house, and *gulp* even get more work done AT work! I feel less stressed and irritated and probably more fun to be around even.
I miss my ladies but at least I have many of you in other ways. xoxo

I have even been looking at buying myself a pair of these to go with a nice summer dress (that I am secretly hoping will be too big for me come the time I need it)

A big thanks to Mdluv for taking over the workout check in's! I know they always make me feel accountable, and I hope they help you as well! :o)

I have no title for this

So, I've always tried to be a positive person. I think that by just wearing a smile you can change not only your perspective on things, but others.
The thing is, I find it harder and harder to smile recently. Of course I don't go through life frowning, but I just feel sad. I just don't fucking get it. Why me, why my friends? My wonderful interwebz friends are so absolutely wonderful and I love them all dearly; they are the ones who keep me smiling and give me hope. For those who have anov cycles like me, you know how difficult/frustrating and heart-breaking it is monthly to go through this.

This cycle has been a rude awakening, and its been hard to deal with. I thought perhaps my body was getting back on track and I would begin to have normal ovulatory cycles but I guess not. I thought that maybe it would be my turn to be a mommy soon but obviously that's not in the books for now.

I feel like I've been doing a lot of eye-rolling recently, and feel a break from The Bump in general might do me some good. I'd stop charting too but it's probably a good idea to continue since I have my IF appointment in a few weeks. Hopefully with this we can find out WTF is wrong with me and move on. I hate feeling broken, and I hate how this process has made me feel all around.

I guess like my buddy Lyse said last night, all this heartache will make us appreciate our pg and our babies since it took so much to get there.

So I made the appointment today

To go in and get fertility testing done. I called to get a referral, but Kaiser does their own testing, then will send you off to an RE from there. I told her about my lack of ovulating, blah blah blah and that we've been trying for 10 months now. So April 29th it is!

She was very sincere, and when the call was ending told me she was sorry, that its hard dealing with infertility. Eeeek! That was the first time someone said that out loud to me. :*( Hopefully we're moving on to bigger and better! :)