A look back at 2010

For many, 2010 was a great year.... for some, not so great. Many of my bestest bumpie friends got their BFP, or bought homes, got raises or had babies :) Though I was not able to complete my dream with a baby, I am 100% grateful for all that I have.

I was able to apply for a new position within my company and get the job, I also got a raise and a bonus, and have my health. I have a husband who makes me laugh on a daily basis, who supports my crazy ideas and my ups and downs. Love ya babe :)

Also, not only do I have a new and improved job, I make enough that I'm able to help support MH going to school and also have certain luxuries (although most of those have gone out the window since we've been going through treatments) but that is ok if it brings us our take home baby.

We have family and friends who love and care about us, two furbabies who adore us (when they're not in trouble that is), a nice roof over our head with nice things inside, and most of all, I HAVE THE BEST E-FRIENDS A GIRL COULD ASK FOR!!!!! I <3 you guys!
Your support through this past 20ish months has been immeasurable. Not only have I been entertained, I have felt loved, I have laughed and cried and could not have honestly gotten through this journey without you.

I hope all of our hopes and dreams come true in 2011, whatever they may be. Happy New Year!!!!!

XOXO
-Papps

Comcast cable

So, we got our cable bill today and seriously almost died of heart failure. Not only was our UFC fight plus 3 On Demand movies on this bill, the new rates were applied. This bill was upwards $250!!!!!

So, after I picked my jaw up off the floor, I decided to educate myself and shop around to see what other competitors were offering before calmly calling Comcast. We've been with them for 5+ years, so there were no more introductory rates for us, but other companies would be able to offer us up a deal right?

I found better rates with two other companies and felt secure enough to call our cable company and cancel if they were not able to work with me. So I get sweet Ashley on the phone who was totally understanding and worked with me to reduce our monthly rate. She waived our DVR fees (among others) and actually saved us about $30 a month!!

Needless to say we will not be renting On Demand movies at $5.99 a pop anymore, nor will we rent another UFC fight for a while :o)
Mad props to Comcast for helping our broke asses out :)

Why did I post about this? Well, the moral of the story is don't underestimate big companies. I've learned that there are sooooo many discounts they can give if you just call. Sweet Ashley even told me to call back every 6 months to see what discounts they can offer us

Not sure where I belong anymore

**Warning, ranting vent inside**

As much as I'd like to say I'm not sad we aren't pregnant, I am. I had to change my blog profile for the 3rd time to change the year. That stings.

I'm on a forced break, and will not cycle until month 20 at the earliest. We have spent what little savings we have, and are in debt $4000 due to IF. MH and I have decided to cycle this next month whenever this fucking cyst allows, then most likely will take a few months off to pay off the debt and start again.

Which brings me to the title of this thread. I have no idea where I belong. I know I'm still welcome on the boards, but I just feel like a lost soul right now. My BFPB's both have their sweet boys (love you girls!!) but here I am stuck in this revolving IF door baby-less and feeling hopeless. I feel like it is quite possible it won't ever happen for us, and that scares the living daylights out of me.

My friend Happy Aardvark sent me this beautiful angel necklace that made me cry. A good cry. I felt like this angel reached out to me. I'm not extremely religious, but it touched me in this strange way, rendering me helpless. While I don't know where I belong, I know I am loved. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me.... I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through this ((BIG HUGS)) Hopefully I find a home on a birth month board in 2011

::Wipes tears::

Elfster gift!

So I partake (partook ?) in an elfster exchange, and just wanted to show off what I got. I love love love them! A multi-colored scarf so it will pretty much go with almost anything, a vanilla candle (my fav) and adorable slippers!


Huge thanks to my elfster!! xoxo

Um, birth control?

Yup, this is my new drug to be on I suppose :/
So, I went in for my baseline appointment on Friday, expecting to begin my IUI meds, but come to find out I have a planet sized cyst on my right ovary. Congratufuckinglations, it's a mass!!!
So, I will be on birth control pills for 21 days, and will go back when cd1 comes around, which she is predicting should be around 1/10/11. Hopefully it will be gone so we can cycle, otherwise we'll be waiting it out, or having them remove it.

So with these 21 days, I plan on hitting the gym hard, and doing sit ups (which I have failed to do while we've been TTC) For some reason I have it in my head that sit ups will destroy my phantom baby that has not even existed. I am beyond silly, I know.
I will say I am 100% putting my thermometer in the nightstand drawer, and shall not retrieve it! Hopefully I can give it up for good now. Maybe.

A Christmas stroll down memory lane

I love this state, and better yet love this city. I moved here in 2005, met my husband and created many memories. I just thought I would share some of my Christmas memories with you =)

Here's a few snow picutres- this one I took from the back of our house last year

And one of the street in front of us


Every year MH and I try and go look at Christmas lights somewhere. Last year we went to The House of a Million Lights. It's pretty stinkin' cool.... it's this old Victorian house that puts up over a million lights on the house and yard. You can tour the inside of the house and it has a different Christmas tree in every room. Here are some pics of that :)



And one of the Christmas trees in a room

Here's one with two smaller trees

This one is a little dark because the room lighting was pretty dim, but it has feathers on it

.
.
.
And if you got this far.... here's one of me :)

We're getting that much closer!

Ok, so yesterday MH and I went to the RE's office and took the injectables class. Man am I glad we did, I was a bit overwhelmed by the original size needle!!

Here's a pic :)


Anyway, so the plan is to call on cd1 to schedule b/w and u/s, then on cd3 begin Femara from cd3 through cd7 (2 pills a day). Then on cd9 I'm taking 150IU of Bravelle (I think that was how much) for 2 days and go in for an u/s on cd12. From there they will determine how I responded and we'll either continue with the Bravelle or they'll have me trigger :)

AF is set to arrive anywhere between tomorrow and Tuesday (clomid messed with my LP so now I have no idea what it really is). So excited!!

More testing

So, my new RE sent me for a few tests (Glucose and Thyroid). My glucose test came back ok I believe, though I'm waiting to hear back from them. But my thyroid came back high. :*(

It's not crazy high overall, (the avg they like to have it between is .5 to a 5, but when it comes to TTC they want to see you between a .5 and 2.5 - aaaaaand I'm at a 4. I was given 75 mcg Levothroid pills to take to get this lowered. I go back in 4 weeks for a repeat test to see if the pills are working and if they need to adjust the dosage.

I asked if we were still able to cycle in December, and was told it should not be a problem!! So I'm pretty stoked there. It's totally possible I ovulated this month, so I should have my cd3 appt sometime the week of 12/13 with a monitoring u/s right around Christmas and IUI possibly sometime between Christmas and New Years!! :o)

PS- I have decided to take a bump break until we start to cycle in mid December, so if you don't see me around, I'm still alive!! lol