2ww

So after my second beta came back at 277, I felt this wave of relief; like I could breathe a little bit. Well, that didn't last long. My first u/s is in 2 weeks and I am DYING to get in. They wanted me to come in a little bit later so they could guarantee (hopefully, fingers crossed) a heartbeat. So I go in on 2/24 at 6w5d..... this will be the longest 2ww of my life. I thought once I got pregnant, things would be less stressful LOL

I will say I decided to try and enjoy this pregnancy once we hear things look good. I don't want to look back and regret having not enjoyed it. It took us too damn long to get here, and I realized if something is going to happen, it will happen whether I worry or not!

I still count my blessings every night. I cannot believe this is actually happening to me!

Beta # 2

Came back great! We're looking at a sweet 277 :)
I still can't believe that this is happening to ME. It's surreal. It's so crazy because I spent sooo much time learning about TTC, infertility and all that jazz, that I don't have a clue as to what to do when pregnant! I am a fish out of water. 100% lost and unsure of what's next. My RE didn't tell me much except for take it easy, relax and enjoy and if I see the dreaded blood, call. Great, thanks!

Though I'm beyond thrilled, I will say that a part of me is so sad. I have met so many wonderful ladies on the TTTC, TTGP & Infertility boards that I'm sad to leave. Of course I'm happy for my graduation, but it just feels strange. I guess that just means I have many more boards to go to when I log on :o)

I guess I am now cautiously optimistically pregnant :)

So I decided to test this morning to prepare myself for when I got the news on my beta. Much to my surprise, this is what I see!


Holy shitballs, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super scared, nervous, sad, unsure... you name it I felt it. I laid back in bed and just thought about anything and everything. Then I tell MH. He was so reserved about it and scared, but cuddled me and told me he can't wait for the beta to confirm (he didn't believe it was real)

So, beta draw is at 8:30, I FINALLY get a call back at 3! Beta is at 44.42. Perfect for where I am at (12dpiui)- According to BetaBase, median levels have been 37 for this dpo

I go back in on Monday for a beta #2! Here's to hoping for good numbers!
Thank you again everyone for all your support and love, I don't know what I would have done this whole time without you lovely ladies! <3

The anxiety is killing me

I hate the unknown. Seriously, I've never been patient. Infertility kind of has forced you into it, but I fight :)

Tomorrow is a big day for MH and I. If our beta comes back positive, and all goes well, we'll have a take home baby. If it's negative, we will stop treatments for a while. We were going to wait up to a year, but found out some of my meds expire in June, so we might try another one then.

I always try to prepare myself by looking forward- what the next cycle brings us, and how much closer we could be to our dream. This time is different. I have no cycle coming up, no chance of said baby. This scares the living shit out of me.

I guess all I can do is expect the worst, hope for the best. Uplifting right?

An Idiot Abroad

Funny show. Not something we would normally watch, but on a night when nothing was on, MH and I discovered this show on the Science Channel.
It's not PC, it's not even really informative, but this guys had us laughing pretty good. We saw the first episode, China. The toad scene was the best :)

An Idiot Abroad- Sneak Peak

Crazy thing happened to me today

So I got a call today that my cats ashes were ready to be picked up. I picked them up on my lunch then just went back to work.

So Leo and I were on the commute home :) and I all the sudden got emotional about it. At that same moment, I looked up and the sky was so flippin gorgeous!!! I took a few pics, but since I was driving I didn't have time to adjust my phone correctly. These pics were actually in full sunlight believe it or not hehe

It was almost as if he was sending me a hello.... crazy much? :)
ETA- It has been very gray and overcast lately. Today was very sunny and beautiful

Wordless Wednesday- My dinner Mmmmmmmm

A Blog Award :)

Mchupie at And Baby Makes Three just gave me the Stylish Blog Award, Thanks Mchup!! :)


Now I suppose I am to share 7 things about myself

1. I live in Oregon now, but I am 100% a Cali girl at heart.

2. I am half Greek. My dad is full blood Greek, as is all of his side of the family. I married into Scottish :)

3. I paint my toes according to season. Summer is usually hot pink, a French or a shade of orange, Fall is usually a brown or maroon, Winter is bright red, and Spring whatever suits my fancy. Nowadays my fingernails always a nude/sheer color.

4. I have two tattoos- one on my right shoulder of a Bengal Tiger (my favorite animal) with a few rocks and bamboo, and a beautiful fairy on my leg (before they got more popular) lol. I don't regret either of them. Both I got at certain times in my life, and have deeper meanings to me than just a picture. I would LOVE to get another one someday

5. I still secretly hope to be a mom of two maybe even three kids. I don't care how I get them, I am destined to be a mother

6. My favorite scent is Vanilla

7. Last but not least, I used to have a major OCD problem (obsessive compulsive disorder). No joke. Have you ever seen Monk? THAT WAS ME. My family thought about an intervention :/
I couldn't touch door handles, got creeped out to sit in public places, I carried around antibacterial wipes with me and used then all.the.time.
Funny thing is as soon as I moved to Oregon, it pretty much went away! While I still have wipes, I only used them sparingly. I have no problem opening doors etc...

Another rule when given this award... award other bloggers and let them know of it. Try not to nominate anyone that the one who sent it to you nominated. Here are mine in no specific order:

1. Sulfa at Close my eyes and leap
2. AmberZ2b at Born in a Barn
3. Kdodge at End the Asshattery already
4. Josefine at Baby Cays
5. mrs.monica at Scherman baby: the sequel
6. BBColt at Later Than Most
7. Red1976 at Living A Nurses Life
8. Leslie at More than a multiples mom
9. Heather and Nayt at No more monkeys jumping on the bed
10. OCW2010 at OCW2010's Blog
11. Mari at Our Journey
12. Zookbride at Seasons of Love: how do you measure a year?
13. A. at The Journey to Baby G
14. Lolo at The Little Things
15. Ashleyann82 at Ash Rants
16. L&R at An Element of Blank
17. Gingham at A Healthier Me and Maybe Baby

IUI #4, down :)

Alright, so this is our last shot at getting pregnant for a while. This HAS to work, please please let this work.

Everything went as it should. 5 days of Femara, 5 days of Bravelle and a trigger shot.... all lead up to less than 1 minute of legs in stirrups. Good times. Even better times to come with the purdy progesterone suppositories. Yeah baby yeah!

So I forgot to bring in our sharps container with all the needles and vials, so it appears I'll get the wonderful reminder until our beta :o)

These past few days have certainly been a whirlwind of emotions, feelings and nerves. Now if only it will end with nerves of what to do next- since I truly have no idea what to do once we actually get pregnant. A girl can hope right?

Beta is scheduled for 2/3/11 at 8:30 am, 12 dpiui. At least I will most likely make this one with no AF in the picture.

Goodbye my friend

To my sweet Leo,
You were the best furbaby I could have asked for. I am going to miss you more then you will ever know. Who else is going to curl up with me and sleep with me, jump on my lap in the morning and just chill with your dad and I. You have such a big heart. You gave us so much love and affection, I am forever grateful. I hope to see you again sometime. Hugs and kisses forever

Mom and Dad

PS- Kimo misses you too and says hi :)

I take it back

I woke up this morning to my kitty in bad shape :( He hardly ate last night, but this morning didn't even look at his food. Then he vomited on the floor and on his paws and just sat there in it. I took the day off work to take him back to the vet.

We're going to see about doing a blood transfusion for him to hopefully get his red blood cell count back up and get rid of this anemia. All his other test results came back fine, so I have no clue what is wrong

If you could, please say a prayer or think good thoughts for him. It would be much appreciated

Here's a sweet picture from this morning :)