Thursday, June 16, 2011


I have something for you......
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So many emotions run through me on a daily basis still to this day. Yes, I got pregnant, but I'm still not "normal".

I have trouble being totally happy and ok with this pregnancy. For some reason I feel like something will happen and that it will be taken away from me. I guess after all the heartache I endured dealing with infertility, it's difficult to just forget all the aches and pains.

Don't get me wrong, I am forever happy I've made it this far, and can only hope and pray that things go great until delivery, but I don't know if I will ever be one of those people who can just be obliviously happy.

Of course I have my days of being on cloud nine, but those insecurities are still lingering around making it painfully difficult to move forward. Odds are greatly stacked against me that I'll ever get to know what it feels like to be a "oops, it just happened" girl, or "it took little to no effort."

Light at the end of the tunnel- I guess it makes me that much more appreciative of what I have and are working towards. Amelia will never know how much her mom and dad truly went through to see her smile


  1. I feel you Papps. I am so upset that that naive pregnant lady feeling has been stripped from us who have dealt with Infertility. Its not fair, I am hoping that you continue to have a great pregnancy and an uncomplicated delivery, you deserve that. ((hugs))

  2. Great pic Papps to sum up the feeling towards IF. I'm sorry you are still feeling the lingering worry of IF. ((HUGS))

  3. Love her name, Papps! So adorable. And you absolutely WILL be one of those crazy happy people the moment you hold your baby girl.

  4. ((big hugs)) This post is hitting home for me today. I never thought that I'd be so paranoid once I was pregnant, but I am. I'm so afraid that now that I'm finally pregnant, something bad is going to happen. I don't want to think this way, but it's really hard not to.

  5. PREACH! the picture really sums it up and i agree with everything you are saying. i feel the same.


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