Sunday, April 25, 2010

So, it looks like its the military...

So, DH and I have been talking quite a bit about him going back into the military next year. He was in the Marines for four years, then got out and has been in school since. He should graduate next Spring and would like to go back in as an officer.

I have total mixed feelings on this. On one hand, I have always been intrigued with anything military, and had even hoped I would marry into the lifestyle as a kid. I would love to move around to different places, the bennies are fabulous, and the pay equally great. My only fear is him deploying. When he was in before he spent two tours (one time was for a year, and another for 6 months). He absolutely loved being a Marine and I know he misses it from time to time.

I am a VERY independent in terms of being able to handle my own, so in that aspect I feel I am ok.. but I don't know how to handle having my husband in harms way, away from me and ME not knowing if he's ok or not. That part is scary. We feel with the way the economy is, and with the unknown future it might not be a bad career move. He can retire in sixteen years (since he has already been in for four) and we would be set.

I told him I would support him either way, whether he goes in or not. I guess only time will tell. I just needed to write this out since our family hasn't been as supportive of it.


Friday, April 16, 2010

Holy good mood!

So, today is so perfect! It's absolutely beautiful out, it's Friday and I have NOTHING planned for the weekend. Ahhhhhhhhhhh yesssssss.

It's supposed to be 70 degrees out today and this weekend (which is awesome this time of year in Portland), the sun is shining and I literally woke up to those cute annoying birds this morning. :)

So on this fabulous Friday, I will go home, make a nice Italian meal and pop open a bottle of vino (after the gym of course), and catch up on last season's Lost DVD's.
I will sleep in tomorrow and chill in my PJ's because I can..... then venture out and enjoy the nice weather.

I love it :)

HaPpY FrIdAy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

So a mini follow up for those who care :)

I'm doing much better. The break has been just what the doctor ordered. I have more time on my hands to hang with the hubs, chill with the kittehs, cook, read, do things around the house, and *gulp* even get more work done AT work! I feel less stressed and irritated and probably more fun to be around even.
I miss my ladies but at least I have many of you in other ways. xoxo

I have even been looking at buying myself a pair of these Image and video hosting by TinyPic to go with a nice summer dress (that I am secretly hoping will be too big for me come the time I need it)

A big thanks to Mdluv for taking over the workout check in's! I know they always make me feel accountable, and I hope they help you as well! :o)

Monday, April 12, 2010

I have no title for this

So, I've always tried to be a positive person. I think that by just wearing a smile you can change not only your perspective on things, but others.
The thing is, I find it harder and harder to smile recently. Of course I don't go through life frowning, but I just feel sad. I just don't fucking get it. Why me, why my friends? My wonderful interwebz friends are so absolutely wonderful and I love them all dearly; they are the ones who keep me smiling and give me hope. For those who have anov cycles like me, you know how difficult/frustrating and heart-breaking it is monthly to go through this.

This cycle has been a rude awakening, and its been hard to deal with. I thought perhaps my body was getting back on track and I would begin to have normal ovulatory cycles but I guess not. I thought that maybe it would be my turn to be a mommy soon but obviously that's not in the books for now.

I feel like I've been doing a lot of eye-rolling recently, and feel a break from The Bump in general might do me some good. I'd stop charting too but it's probably a good idea to continue since I have my IF appointment in a few weeks. Hopefully with this we can find out WTF is wrong with me and move on. I hate feeling broken, and I hate how this process has made me feel all around.

I guess like my buddy Lyse said last night, all this heartache will make us appreciate our pg and our babies since it took so much to get there.

Monday, April 5, 2010

So I made the appointment today

To go in and get fertility testing done. I called to get a referral, but Kaiser does their own testing, then will send you off to an RE from there. I told her about my lack of ovulating, blah blah blah and that we've been trying for 10 months now. So April 29th it is!

She was very sincere, and when the call was ending told me she was sorry, that its hard dealing with infertility. Eeeek! That was the first time someone said that out loud to me. :*( Hopefully we're moving on to bigger and better! :)

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