I have no title for this

So, I've always tried to be a positive person. I think that by just wearing a smile you can change not only your perspective on things, but others.
The thing is, I find it harder and harder to smile recently. Of course I don't go through life frowning, but I just feel sad. I just don't fucking get it. Why me, why my friends? My wonderful interwebz friends are so absolutely wonderful and I love them all dearly; they are the ones who keep me smiling and give me hope. For those who have anov cycles like me, you know how difficult/frustrating and heart-breaking it is monthly to go through this.

This cycle has been a rude awakening, and its been hard to deal with. I thought perhaps my body was getting back on track and I would begin to have normal ovulatory cycles but I guess not. I thought that maybe it would be my turn to be a mommy soon but obviously that's not in the books for now.

I feel like I've been doing a lot of eye-rolling recently, and feel a break from The Bump in general might do me some good. I'd stop charting too but it's probably a good idea to continue since I have my IF appointment in a few weeks. Hopefully with this we can find out WTF is wrong with me and move on. I hate feeling broken, and I hate how this process has made me feel all around.

I guess like my buddy Lyse said last night, all this heartache will make us appreciate our pg and our babies since it took so much to get there.