Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Not sure where I belong anymore

**Warning, ranting vent inside**

As much as I'd like to say I'm not sad we aren't pregnant, I am. I had to change my blog profile for the 3rd time to change the year. That stings.

I'm on a forced break, and will not cycle until month 20 at the earliest. We have spent what little savings we have, and are in debt $4000 due to IF. MH and I have decided to cycle this next month whenever this fucking cyst allows, then most likely will take a few months off to pay off the debt and start again.

Which brings me to the title of this thread. I have no idea where I belong. I know I'm still welcome on the boards, but I just feel like a lost soul right now. My BFPB's both have their sweet boys (love you girls!!) but here I am stuck in this revolving IF door baby-less and feeling hopeless. I feel like it is quite possible it won't ever happen for us, and that scares the living daylights out of me.

My friend Happy Aardvark sent me this beautiful angel necklace that made me cry. A good cry. I felt like this angel reached out to me. I'm not extremely religious, but it touched me in this strange way, rendering me helpless. While I don't know where I belong, I know I am loved. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me.... I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through this ((BIG HUGS)) Hopefully I find a home on a birth month board in 2011

::Wipes tears::


  1. That was a very sweet gesture from HA.
    Papps, I am sorry that you are in this weird place right now. I am always here with an open ear and a shoulder to cry on if you need me. <3 you!

  2. I am sorry Papps. I hope 2011 is your year :)

  3. (((()))))) I'm so sorry that you are hurting. You guys will be in my thoughts and I will be hoping desperately that this next cycle is your lucky one.

  4. I'm so sorry Papps. I was so sad to see that this cycle was put on hold bc of that damn cyst. I am totally rooting for you babe, I cannot wait for you to announce your bfp! You're in my thoughts and you have my prayers that your time will come VERY soon. *hugs*

  5. Huge, huge hugs. I'm so sorry honey. Hoping and praying that 2011 brings you a BFP.

  6. Papps, I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time right now. I hope that angel does reach out to you and that 2011 will be your lucky year. Thinking of you.
    (this is Blueberries08, btw:)

  7. You belong where ever you feel at home. I'm sure there is at least one place that is. Either way, I'm always walking right beside you, and there for you 100%. I love you. xoxo

  8. I love you Pappsy!! You are going to have an awesome 2011! :)

    Lots and lots of hugs being sent your way! xoxo

  9. I haven't been around the boards much so didn't know you were having a hard time right now. I'm sending you big hugs and hoping the holidays brought you peace and joy. Thinking of you ((hugs))


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